Pornography and Personal Relationship
Urim’s Testimony: My journey of finding Jesus and battling a porn addiction
Issue 2, October 2024Kia ora! I’m Urim, and I’m a child of God.
Of course, life did not start out this way! I was born into a Christian household, but throughout my life, I saw Christianity as nothing but a set of rules. I hoped that by doing enough good deeds, I would secure my ticket into heaven. God certainly made it clear that nobody, not even me, could go to heaven by their good deeds. The biggest way He showed me this was through my addiction to pornography.
At the age of ten, I was first exposed to pornographic material by my then-best friend. What started off as a quick peek driven by innocent curiosity developed, throughout the years, into a full-blown addiction. By the age of eighteen, there were times where I would watch pornographic content until 4:00 AM, consuming revolting and graphic videos in a lustful frenzy.
As someone who struggled with social anxiety and identity, porn was a place of solace and fulfilment. Yet, every single time, without fail, it would leave me feeling emptier and more meaningless than before. I was a filthy person with a filthy mind. If going to heaven by good deeds was possible, I would have blown my chance many years ago.
However, does the Bible not say, ‘while we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8). For some unfathomable reason, God saw me in my utter depravity, and said, “I still want Urim to be my child.” And He certainly did accomplish that.
In 2018, during my first year of university, God connected me with the Christian university club Student Life, who shared the gospel with me. For the first time, I learned that Christianity is a personal relationship with God, not a religion of following rules to attain God’s favour!
Despite being confronted with this truth, in the moment, I did not think much about it. Still, God graciously nudged me back to His truth. One week later, I had a significant falling-out with my best friend of seven years; and was also fired from a job that I deeply wanted to maintain. It was then that I realised I couldn’t live life my own way anymore — simply trying to be a ‘good person.’ I needed to appeal to something beyond the human — to God Himself. On that night, I yielded control of my life to God.
Bit by bit, over the years, God changed my life. As I learned about who I was in light of Jesus dying on the cross for my sins, God delivered me from my addiction to pornography. He allowed forgiveness and reconciliation to restore my broken friendship. He transformed a filthy soul corrupted by perversion into someone who loves the One who loved Him first.
If you compare the joy of obeying and loving Jesus with the short-term fleeting ‘joy’ of watching pornography, there is simply no competition. Knowing Jesus is the most satisfying, most fulfilling, most completing, and most delightful relationship you could ever experience. If you are struggling with an addiction to pornography, remember: Jesus knew that you and I could not beat this addiction in our own strength. That is why he died on the cross. To pay for your sin, and mine, that by believing in Him as Lord and Saviour, we might experience freedom from the bondage and slavery of this addiction. If God loved and transformed a man like me, He can certainly do the same for you too.